My Mind is Numb

My body is my shell.  These days my shell feels empty and dead inside.  When I do get to head off to work for example, people see me... but really I'm not there, as my mind and soul has left the building. Tired and exhausted from trying to keep it all together, but so wishing I was none existent all together.  Each day I paint a face that my kids need to see, they need to see me strong and that I am there for them, but inside I'm broken and lost, wishing of a way to escape.
Term 4 has been really hard.  I had high hope's that my daughter was on the up and up, but she is receding and taking me along with her.  She was enjoying the slow transition to Wellington High School, but now she's hating it, hating the teachers, hating the students and hating the noise and chaos.  If she had a choice, she'd stay at City Regional Health School, where the group is a nice size and the noise is not chaotic. But that's not an option, CRHS is a school to help her integrate back into a normal school, but if she's now doing less classes then she was 4 months ago, isn't it a sign that the integration process for her is not working.  I have taken more time off work these month's alone, not just for her, but also for her younger brother.  But with all these illnesses and my daughter's lack of cooperation for going to school and getting into her classes, the stress that I was just managing to handle, is finally creeping over the edge and I feel like I can't cover up my in-ability to be a Mum that can work and function.

I feel the need to take a few steps back, for myself and my daughter.  Not sure if that is the right decision, as when you have anxiety your suppose to try and not let it overpower you, otherwise it will always win, but for my girl I don't think she has the will to fight it.  Immaturity is her problem too, she fears so much still and with her coming up to being 14 in April next year, she has hardly any of the life skills that I had acquired at the same age.  She is afraid of so much; and admittedly she is also very stubborn and very lazy too.

Though my head has been numb and feeling empty, it is still ticking over 24/7 as what is the right thing to do! I'm thinking of enrolling my girl into Te Aho O Te Kura Pounamu - The NZ Correspondence School on the grounds of Psychological/psycho-social. 

But it's not as easy as saying this is what we will do.  Going to need Ministry of Education to evaluate her, with the assistance of Child and Adolescent Mental Health's Psychologist and Psychiatrist, which is who my daughter sees regularly.  If this is approved, we can then enroll, but yet there is still another problem. My commitment to Work and Income NZ, where I'm on the Solo Parent Benefit, as you need to work 20+ hours a week.  This will be something that I will not be able to achieve, unless I was lucky enough to be able to score myself a job that I can do from home, as I will need facilitate my daughters correspondence education time table, helping with her courses and making sure she is still having time to socialise.  These stay at home jobs are in hot demand and not the easiest to find, unless your lucky enough to be in the know... as it's not about what you know, it's about who you know these days.
So empty, confused, lost and struggling... I really don't know what to do.