Kiwiana Girl Tells All

I have come to the conclusion that seeing as I’m a pretty lonely and depressed person, who desperately craves in finding that amazing friendship, I have let myself have a large target on my back. I’m like a magnet for the lost and needy, because as soon as they’ve gotten to know me and have enjoyed my company, they have then found themselves and I have become surplus to their requirement. So call me the fill in friend. I’m great to chat with, open up too, I’m understanding and very helpful.  I’m not pushy, never expect anything from anyone, loyal, care about everyone’s feeling’s, while ending up losing myself. I get reeled in by them, thinking that this is going to be an amazing friendship…. We have so much in common and we have awesome fun… but we were only having fun, because it was them needing the companionship to get them through a lonely spell.  I don’t want to keep being a part time friend or a fill in friend, just because you don’t want to be alone.  Pa

I know that no promises were made at the time and so I can’t be angry with you.  But the reason why I was okay with what you said to me was because you said you weren’t ready for getting attached and that you were enjoying being your own self again, so I let my guard down, thinking that at least I wouldn’t get hurt over you finding someone else. And here I am feeling yet again like a piece of shit, only good enough to be a fill in and not good enough for anything else.  I knew when you fobbed me off the other week, there was more too it.  And yes, you are the reason for why I became so sad…. But I couldn’t admit it to you when you asked. As you did let me down, by saying we were meeting up and then not even 12 hours later saying nah, can’t make it. I was happy to be your friend and go with the flow.  I didn’t want to push you into anything, as I didn’t want to be one of those… but by doing that I’ve let myself down again.  I didn’t expect love, but I was hoping to finally