Was munching on a biscuit yesterday and ended up choking on a crumb. After that crumb, I kept coughing. Went to bed feeling a little out of sorts, where I woke up in the early hours of the morning with a sore throat and sore body. When I eventually got out of bed later that morning, my throat was sore to swallow, my cough hurt my chest and throat, my body hurts in the legs, hips, shoulders, neck and back and I have a fuzzy head ache. I feel like death warmed up and I'm asking why me only 4 weeks since I last was down with a similar bug. I had just spent the past week and a half getting back into my walking and cutting down on the shit food and now I haven't got the energy to keep it up.
The other thing that I had to battled with today, was taking my girl to her Psychiatrist and Psychologist appointment. We had a struggling start to the session, finally they got her to talk... which only made me cry. When she talks about certain thoughts and feelings she has, I start to feel like a huge failure and that I'm not the best role model for her with helping her battle through her problems. Everything she said to them today, sounded like my head on my bad days.
Not only do I struggle through depression, I struggle with my weight, the way I think of food and the way I look. I lost a heap of weight through surgery, hoping that I was going to be in that lucky percentage that actually loses the food craving, but nope... I still felt hunger. Though I lost a good chunk of weight through the surgery in the first 8 months, it didn't take long for the food cravings to reverse the effects.
I was rather happy with me being smaller and lighter, but I still never got rid of the kangaroo pouch and it really never made me feel more attractive. And seeing as I still wasn't happy with me and myself, it would have showed in my persona and this would be why I find it hard to date. It's all about being confident about yourself and loving you. So with this session today and me crying, my girl's Psychiatrist pulled me away to have a chat with me. She said it was okay to feel the way I feel, as they don't blame me for battling too, they understand how hard it must be to be not only dealing with my own demons, but also trying to be strong for both my kids.
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