I'm really a very shy person and I don't even like talking on the telephone, I have much better conversation's via Text or Face Book messaging, because I have time to think and then I don't end up getting my words tongue tied. Of course, once I get comfortable with someone, the telephone does get a little easier, but my parents are really the only people that I telephone.
I have only a small network of Family and Friends. Because having been an only child, I learnt how to keep myself company and being an overweight girl to boot, staying at home for me was the answer. But over the years, I regret those days. I missed out on so much back then, and when I was recently in town one night, I watched all the younger ones out enjoying themselves, I thought "Man, I wish I had done that when I was their age." Because now I want to be doing it, but everyone my age seem to be over it, too busy with their family and or it's just to difficult to organise. Some days, like today...I wonder why I even lost weight, I might as well have stayed fat; as I'm still feeling stuck. It's just because I can't find that one person that wants to hang out with me.
It's so hard to be sitting here typing. How do you explain what it is that's just not right and how do you get people to understand what it is you are truly wishing for. Some people will think I'm all clingy and needy, and other's will think I'm just a lost cause...But I'm none of those.
I'm just fed up, plodding along and hoping that some day soon I'll be at the right place, at the right time to finally find what my future has to hold for me.
There are so many guys and girls out there that have been hurt, and have just stopped trying. What was it that I heard someone say to me recently! "Every time I get too emotionally attached, I end up fucking it up." So they have decided to keep away from relationships and just stick to Friends with Benefits, Booty Calls and hanging out with their mates, who seem to have also lost their way.
I was in a similar thought of mind. I stayed at home for over five years after I left my ex-husband. But if we keep thinking of all the bad crap and all the stuff that went wrong, we are going to end up missing something good. They are going to walk out of your life and you will never be able to get them back. It takes a lot of courage and trust to look past what you've been through, and to trust someone new; too not put you through that again.
So what is this blog really about? To tell you the truth I don't really know, it's a jumble of feelings and thoughts. It may be my way of processing and coming to terms with the way life is for me. As another friend pointed out to me "Things do work out and it's all the better when everything just fits into place - rather than trying to just make something fit".
So with those words of wisdom, we are just going to wait...as I'm sure one day with a little patience, everything will fit someday soon.
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